The Toughest Woman I've Ever Known

I remember the first time ever I came to a funeral home. It was the father of my ex-step father's funeral. I was crying crazily. Maybe people thought that I was that close to him that I cried that loud. But the truth is, I was scared. I was scared of the coffin. I was scared of the thought "What it felt like inside? What dying felt like?"

Two or three years later, I went to another funeral house. It was my grandpa's. Unlike the first time, I tried to control my fear -- and I was bigger at that time as well. I didn't even shed a tear until the moment I saw the coffin was lowered to the grave. Not that I don't love him, it was just... You know, you didn't realize someone's good deeds until you realized you lost them. That's what happened to me when my grandpa died. And remembering how good he was, I was so sad that I lost him already because I haven't done anything to him.

Yesterday, I lost a dear family member from my dad's side. My grandma just passed away this morning. 

My grandma, one of the closest family member to me. She took care of me when I was a baby. She bathed me. And even until I'm this big, she still took care of me. And during the time when she couldn't rely on her own because she was too weak, it was my turn to take care of her.

My grandma was (and still is) my "health hero". She was the healthiest person in the family. The only illness she ever had was headache. She never drank any medication. She never complained on anything. She was the most patient, tough and kind person I've ever known.

When she got sick earlier this year, I thought it was just a regular headache. But then, her body condition was decreasing each day. The peak was around May -- if I'm not mistaken -- when the doctors diagnosed her with cancer. I was in a complete shocked. How come the healthiest person in the family got cancer? I couldn't believe it. But then again, her body condition was worsen each and every day.

Last week, she was hospitalized again because she couldn't eat. Everything that came in through her mouth was out again in 10-15 minutes. She couldn't eat for days. She was so weak. I was so sad seeing her suffering and had to hold this sickness that was killing her. But she never complained or hassled others, even her children. She was the toughest woman I've ever known. 

Today, when she finally went back to God's hand, I was sad. But I was even more sad seeing her suffered. So now I'm happy, because this means she doesn't have to suffer anymore. She is now healthy and sick-free. And I'm happy to see she was smiling at the end.

Ema, I'm gonna miss you.

Thank you. :)